


Finding Life Beyond Death

by FoxBane11



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: As In Under 18, Depressed Shane, F/M, For a second, Gay Daryl, Gay Shane, Good Friend Shane, Good Shane, Grieving Shane, M/M, Male Slash, Minor Lori Grimes/Shane Walsh, Non-Crazy Shane, Not Everybody Lives, Protective Daryl, Protective Shane, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shane Lives, Shanes Daughter, Underage Sex, graphic depictions, sofia lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:38:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7863973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxBane11/pseuds/FoxBane11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world was a harsh place these days, ready to chew up good men and spit out monsters. For Shane, it's only the thoughts of his daughter that kept his soul from twisting into something he wouldn't recognize, and then it's the feeling of piercing blue eyes warming his skin too. For Daryl, it was just a matter of survival, until he hears an interesting little encounter and finds that a man he thought he had figured out wasn't so figured out anymore. For Carl, it was his whole world tipped upside down, crashing down around him, then she was there with her bright hair and listening eyes, holding up his world. For Lonnie, it's her dad and feeling safe, and laughing, and trying to be free in a world that wanted to crush her. In this new world, you had to keep the things you loved close and protect them no matter what, and try to live while you were doing it. Sometimes you managed, sometimes you didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before And After

A/N: There is a pretty graphic scene in this chapter, involving non-con sexual content. But only in this chapter, then I think the rest will be consensual. So be warned. 

Chapter One: Before And After

 

Lonnie, 8 Years Old

She was sitting in the stair well of his apartment building the first time he ever saw her. Exhausted, ready to fall over right there, coming off a near 48 hour shift, Shane had paused at the bottom of the stairs, blinking at the sight. The stairwell had a single fluorescent bulb and her violently red hair, so bright it seemed unreal, was lit up and looked almost like living flames, right there on the stairs. He'd never seen hair so bright and it took him an exhausted few seconds to realize there was a little girl attached to the mop of hair. A little girl, maybe six or seven, who was biting her lip and watching him with the widest set of gray eyes he'd ever seen. For a moment he thought he might be hallucinating, but no, there really was a little girl sitting on the stairs. 

“Hey, there.” He greeted the girl as he started slowly up the stairs. His apartment and two others were the only ones on this floor, so he was assuming she had to come from the new tenants in apartment c, across the hall from his place. 

“Hey.” She echoed softly, fingers digging into her grubby jeans. There was a thick book on the stairs beside her, some kind of chapter book. 

“Whatcha doing out here, kiddo?” He asked lightly, trying to keep his voice light and casual as he remembered it was nearly midnight. What the hell was this girl doing out here?

“Mama has a friend over.” She told him, peeking up at him and watching carefully as he sat down slowly on the step beside her. 

“A friend, huh?” Shane felt the burn of anger begin in his gut, making some of his exhaustion fade. He looked her over carefully, but couldn't see any bruises. Her jeans were grass stained at the knees and her little pink sweater had a hole at the hem but he'd seen Carl dressed in worse, so that didn't say much. “Well, I'm Shane, guess I'm your next door neighbor.” He held out his hand for a shake, more as a test then anything, giving her a harmless smile. 

Her big gray eyes blinked and then she smiled at him, the brightest god damn smile he'd ever seen, and Shane felt his heart tug. She slipped her little hand into his without hesitation and gave his hand a firm decisive shake. “My name is Lonnie Brant.” She told him. 

00000 00000000 0000000 00000000 00000000 

Two days after they'd set up camp, up at the quarry, Shane sequestered himself in his tent after making sure someone was on watch and got so piss drunk he couldn't see straight. In his mind he thought of Rick, left in that hospital. Rick, his best friend since forever it seemed like, dead because Shane hadn't seen the third perp in time. Carl, who'd broken down and cried when Shane had told him. Lori, a leaden weight around his neck, who turned her eyes more and more towards him for protection. Hell, this whole camp looking to him for decisions, even though he hadn't asked for that. Shit, he didn't know these people, yet he could feel their eyes on him, demanding answers. 

Mostly he tried not to think of bright red hair and wide gray eyes, smiling up at him, but the more drunk he got the harder it was not to think about her. The little girl who'd been so much a part of his life he'd practically thought of her as his. She'd been so smart, smart as a fucking whip. After he'd talked to her teachers she'd even been pushed from 5th grade right up to 7th. Over the last five years he'd got so involved in her life he might as well have been her parent, what with how useless her mother had been. He'd loved that little girl more than he loved anything else in his entire life, hell he still loved her more than anything. She'd always be there, a big fucking ache, right where his heart should be. 

Sitting propped up in his tent, Shane took a swallow from his almost empty bottle of whiskey, eyes dropping to the two thin leather braided bracelets around his wrist. He fingered them both, feeling the two beads on the ties clink together. She'd made them herself. Bought the supplies with money she'd scrounged up from somewhere. On the first she'd painted their names, Shane & Lonnie, in bright reds and golds, bold against the dark leather, with delicate little leaves painted meticulously underneath. Looking at the second always made tears choke him, eyes wet, especially since the outbreak. She'd painted, The Love Between A Father & Daughter Is Forever, in rich blues and greens. Wiping his face roughly Shane took another harsh swallow of the cheap whiskey. 

He'd seen the blood. Soon as the shit had hit the fan he'd gone to get her, even before Lori and Carl, breaking down her apartment door when no one had answered. There'd been blood everywhere and two of those things had been there. Little hand prints, just the size for a twelve year old girl, had been on the door, like she'd tried to claw her way out. The first of the dead he'd recognized as her uncle, Linney, still wearing his mechanics shirt with the name tag. The second was her mother, that red hair, duller than Lonnie's, ratty and tangled around her snarling face. It'd been the body on the floor that had him horrified though. The body of a child lay in the front hall, ripped to shreds, intestines spread and half gone, blood pooled underneath in a thick puddle across the floor. He hadn't been able to step any further, her tangled red hair enough, unable to step around the corner and see what was left of her face, hidden by the entrance wall. Couldn't see her like that. 

He'd choked, and then he'd run, unable to stop until now. He'd had to make sure Lori and Carl were safe before he broke down. Now, two days into settling into the quarry, he finally had his chance. A deep noise came from his throat, torn up from deep down and he hunched over himself. He'd loved that girl more than anything, more than life itself. He'd never wanted kids before but she'd slotted into his life like she'd been a missing puzzle piece all along, and now that she was gone, he just didn't know what to do. 

She'd been such a good kid, the very best. She'd been stubborn and more hard headed than a mule, but she'd been kind too, shy about it, but kind all the same. Sassy, with a mouth that ran away from her more often than not, but she was never mean about it. Pretty too, gorgeous really, with all that red hair and a gangly body that promised to grow into a tall and slender woman. So smart. He'd tried to help her with her math homework only once, and she'd laughed and showed him exactly how good she was at numbers. Lonnie had been everything that was great about his life, everything all rolled into one little sassy package. 

He'd always been amazed she'd turned out to be such a great kid, what with who her parents were. Her mom, so fried by drugs that she'd hardly been conscious let alone a good parent. She'd been clean a while, except for alcohol but the damage had already been done. The woman hadn't been hardly able to string together a sentence let alone remember where her daughter was. Hell, the only thing the woman seemed to have been good at was picking men up at the damn bar every other night. That woman had had more sex in the last few months than Shane had his whole damn life. And her daddy hadn't been much better. Shane had dropped her off at her dad's only once, in some backwoods hick town, and the man had been a real piece of work. Cussing every other word, at Shane, at Lonnie at the damn air. Man had been a real hard ass and if Lonnie had ever said he'd hurt her, Shane would have done something about it but when he'd asked her, she'd only shaken her head. She'd only spent a weekend a month there and she never seemed to be worse for wear when she got back, so he'd left it alone. 

But despite all that she'd turned out amazing. She'd been so polite, but with this mischievous little attitude hidden in there. She'd had people fooled, with her little innocent act, then she'd pull a prank outta no where and then that little smirk would curl her lips and she'd look like a little demon instead. Hell, he'd been fooled by it the first few times he'd met her. 

She'd been a funny little thing too. She'd had a wicked sense of humor but it'd been more than that. She'd had these odd little habits that he'd noticed over the years. She'd counted the steps every time she went up or down them, mouthing the numbers as she went. He'd come back to his apartment, which he'd given her the spare key to fairly early on, only to find the place rearranged. She complained if he kept his DVDs out of order, insisting they were alphabetized. She kept her blanket on his couch folded just so, always tucking the blanket into his closet carefully. He'd always suspected she might have some kind of OCD, maybe a mild version, but he'd never said anything about it. 

Sighing out a breath, Shane blinked, thoroughly trashed now, his thoughts swimming. Wiping roughly at his face, he erased any tears. His hands were shaky, so instead of taking another drink he tossed the nearly empty bottle away. Feeling like his whole body was shuddering and hot, he tilted his head back against his pack, trying to relax. He should probably drink some water, he thought distantly, but couldn't feel his legs well enough to get up. 

“Shane?” Lori called softly from outside his tent, making him blink and then wipe at his face one more time with a frown.

“Yeah?” He called, voice still rough with tears. He promptly cleared his throat, trying to clear some of the fog of alcohol from his brain. It wasn't working. He'd drank way more than he should have and his thoughts felt about ten miles away. 

“Are you okay?” She asked hesitantly when she'd stepped into his tent and zipped up the door behind her. For some reason the motion made warning bells go off in the back of his brain. The tent was dark, only vague light from the moon shining through the mesh window.

“'m fine, drunk.” He muttered, words just a little slurred at the edges.

“I miss Rick.” Lori murmured into the dark, moving closer.

“I know, I do to.” He agreed, closing his eyes against the spinning, glad he was leaned back against his pack. “Was a good man.”

“I need you, Shane.” She whispered, now right beside him. “Me and Carl, we need you.” 

Warning bells were screeching in the back of his head now and Shane blearily opened his eyes to squint up at her wavering face. The expression on her face wavered in front of his eyes and he couldn't quite tell what was on her face. “You know I ain't gonna leave you guys. I promised Rick.” 

“I know, Shane.” She murmured, then it was like he blinked and she was in his lap, fingers gripping at him and her hips grinding down on him. 

“Whoa, Lori, the fuck?” Shane tried to pulled away, his whole body feeling numb, but Lori clutched at him tighter, reaching down to unbuckle his pants. 

“I know you'll like it, Shane, please, I need you.” She told him desperately, kissing him on his slack lips. She seemed entirely undeterred by his lack of reaction. 

“Shit, Lori.” Shane grimaced, trying to swat her hands away but his vision was going in and out and he only hit air. Then her hand was on him, stroking his limp cock, her fingers unpleasantly cool on him. “Stop it, you know this ain't right.” He tried to shove her away as a shudder went down his spine, mingling disgust and something else, but she clung tightly and he seemed to have no control over his drunk limbs.

“It'll feel so good, Shane, just give me a minute.” She said, pressing kisses over his face as her hand worked at him. 

“Lori, fuck, stop, I ain't into women. I'm gay.” Shane finally found one of her hands, trying to pry it away from his shirt. He could see little black spots at the corners of his vision and to his horror he was starting to harden under her hand. “Yer my brother's wife, fer fucks sake.” The words were like broken glass in his throat.

“Oh, come on, I know you aren't gay. I've seen you with women.” Lori told him coaxingly as she stroked him into fullness. She completely ignored his last statement and the way he was trying to pry her away. “You want this, Shane, I can feel how much you want this. You wouldn't be hard if you didn't.”

“Fuck, Lori, I'm a man and I'm drunk, 'course somebody strokin' my dicks gonna get me off.” His vision was going fuzzy now and his words ran together, slurred and broken. 

“You want this, you want me.” Lori was saying over and over and Shane tried to shake his head, tried to clear it, tried to correct her. But he couldn't, his head lolling back, unable to support itself. His stomach was sick, nauseous, and he could feel acid burning up his throat. Then a wet heat was lowering onto him and he felt himself shudder, part disgust part humiliating pleasure. Groaning in protest, Shane tried to push her away one more time, but his vision was blackening, dying, and with it Shane lost his thoughts, falling into the dark of unconsciousness.

 

00000 000000000 0000000000 0000000 00000000000 000000000 00000000 000000000 0000000000

Lonnie, 10 Years Old

Shane felt himself sag with exhaustion as he closed the door to his apartment behind him. He'd had one hell of a day and he was just about ready to fall into his bed fully clothed and pass out. Unbuttoning his shirt, Shane didn't bother turning on the light as he trudged down the hall to his living room. He was so exhausted he didn't even realize there was a little body on his couch until he almost sat on her. 

Blinking and rubbing at his eyes, Shane sat on his coffee table instead. Lonnie was curled up on his couch, her body slight under the fuzzy green blanket he'd bought just for her. He didn't even have to wonder why she was in his apartment. He'd heard the music from her apartment in the hall, his brain just hadn't thought the noise through. She always came over when her mama had company. It's why he'd given her a spare key in the first place. She was always welcome, no matter what.

With an exhausted sigh he put his elbows on his knees and his chin on his clasped hands, looking down at the little girl that owned so much of his heart. He couldn't imagine loving any kid more than he did her, not even if he ever had one of his own. But everyone that knew him knew that when he loved someone he loved them fiercely, almost obsessively. It wasn't any different with Lonnie. He always worried about her, she was never far from his mind and he missed her when he didn't see her every day.

Even in the dark her hair was bright, looking crimson in the stifled light from the windows. She was curled up tightly, both of her tiny fists near her face, the green blanket tucked tightly around her. She looked pale in this light and he frowned, thinking maybe he needed to coax her outside more often, away from her books. 

“Shane?” Her voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked down, seeing her eyes peering up at him, looking nearly black in the dark. 

“Hey, there, sweet pea.” He smiled, his voice gruff with exhaustion. 

“Did you have a long day?” She asked quietly, lips curling up sleepily as she stretched. Shane thought she looked about like a little kitten, stretching itself out after a nice nap. 

“Yeah, Rick going on a rampage again.” He joked, although not really. Any time Lori and Rick got into a fight it meant long hours for Rick, which meant long hours for Shane. “Got the day off tomorrow though, how 'bout a trip to the park? Play some baseball?”  
“That sounds great!” She chirped, seemingly waking up the rest of the way, sitting up on the couch. Her hair was getting long again, nearly to her waist. 

“Best we both get some sleep then, if we don't wanna fall asleep on our feet tomorrow.” He grinned at her, reaching out to ruffle her hair. With that he stood, ready to go get his own sleep after a long ass day. “Night, sweetheart.” 

He was almost to his bedroom door when her voice stopped him, hesitant in the dark. “Shane?” She called, making him turn to peer back at her. “I love you.” She told him, staring at him with wide eyes. She had the blanket clenched in her fists and pulled close.

Shane couldn't help but smile at the little girl, feeling his chest about explode with warmth. He'd known her for two years now, but she'd never said it before. It meant a lot to him to hear it from her now, when he'd had such a crappy day. But then, she always did brighten up his day. “I love you too, sweet pea.” Which made her smile back at him before she laid back down. “Sweet dreams.” 

ooooooooo ooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooo ooooooooo 

After avoiding her for nearly a week, Lori finally caught him on the edge of camp, coming back from a perimeter check. Soon as he saw her coming he scowled, feeling anger heating his chest. She had that determined face on, the one he knew meant she wasn't gonna take no for an answer. Which was just too fucking bad because he wasn't about to say yes either. 

“Shane, you've been avoiding me.” She told him, arms crossed and frowning but using that voice she'd used on Rick, the one meant to make him feel guilty. 

“Damn right I been avoiding you, I ain't ever hit a woman but I'm damn tempted now.” He told her harshly which was the truth. After he'd woken up, hungover and sick to his stomach and found his pants unbuttoned and a sticky mess, he'd about blown a gasket he was so furious. He'd remembered everything, right down to the last humiliating detail. Avoiding Lori had been the only way he'd been able to keep his head.

Firming her lips, Lori took a furtive look around, making sure no one was in sight. No one but trees. “Shane, you wanted that just as much as I did. I seen the way you always look at me. And I needed it too.” She said, stepping closer to him and reaching out a hand to touch his chest.

Shane sneered, slapping her hand away hard, making her gasp at the sting. “I was drunk, Lori, I told you to stop and you didn't listen, that's the fucking point. Might as well be rape, the way you did it. Hell, it was rape.” 

“Oh, come on, Shane.” She shook her head at him like he was being ridiculous and tried to take a step closer, which he countered with a step back. “I can't rape the willing. You were hard, Shane.” She arched her brows condescendingly. 

Rubbing a hand over his head roughly, Shane fought to control himself, squeezing his eyes closed for a moment so he couldn't see her smug face. “I'm a man, Lori, and I was piss drunk. Of course somebody strokin' my dick is gonna get me hard, don't take a lot when you're that drunk. I said no, told you to stop, and you didn't” 

“You didn't really mean it!” She protested, shaking her head at him. Now her hands were on her hips as she scowled at him. 

“No means no, stop means stop, don't matter who's sayin' it or why, can't change the definition of a word 'cause you want to.” Shane said thickly, his accent prominent with his temper.

“You wanted me.” Lori insisted, an uncertain look coming to her face now. 

“I'm gay, Lori.” He hissed, furrowing his brows as he said the words slow. “I don't want any woman, let alone one that was married to my brother, my best friend.”

“You'll change you're mind. Me and Carl need you.” She told him stubbornly, a mulish expression coming to her face that he recognized. She wasn't gonna be changing her mind easy. 

“And I'll be here, I'll make sure you stay alive, but I ain't your friend anymore, I'm doing it for Rick and for Carl, that's it.” He said brutally, completely honest. He loved Carl like a nephew but after what Lori did there wasn't no going back.

She huffed but didn't say another word as she spun on her heels and strode back to camp, like he'd just said the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. Shane blew out a breath, slowly releasing the built up tension from his shoulders as he watched her go. Roughly scrubbing at his face, Shane turned and took a few steps, ready to begin pacing, but froze instead. Standing not even ten feet away stood Daryl, two fat rabbits hanging from his hands. He was staring at Shane intently, like he'd just seen something that didn't quite fit and he was trying to place it anyway.

“How much of that did you hear?” Shane asked gruffly, trying to work up a glare. But he just couldn't feel it. Between his fury at Lori and his grief over Lonnie, he just felt wrung out. 

“Most of it.” Daryl said after a moment, transferring the rabbits to one hand so he could adjust his crossbow strap. “Woman's a piece ah work.”

Shane huffed a sick laugh, unable to help himself at the understatement. Rubbing his eyes he shook his head. “You have no idea.” Then he drew in a deep breath and gathered his pieces together. “You mind keeping this to yourself? Don't want this gettin' 'round to Carl. He don't need this shit.” Before all this there mighta been a demand or even anger in his words but now it was just a question with no push behind it. 

“Won't say nothin'” Daryl nodded at him firmly, and Shane believed him. There was something on the rednecks face, something that made Shane certain Daryl wasn't lying. 

“Thanks, man. 'preciate it.” Relief made him sag a little. At this point he felt shattered and empty and found he didn't have much fury left for anything. Instead he just kinda felt numb. 

 

00000000 00000000000 000000000 000000000 0000000 

Lonnie, 8 Years Old

“Mom, it's Shane's day off today and he's going to a friend's birthday party.” Lonnie tried to tell her mother as the woman gripped her hand, too tightly, and led her across the hall. She'd seen Shane just yesterday and he'd told her as much.

“Mama's gotta go out tonight, honey, and if Shane can't watch you, you'll have to stay by yourself.” The woman said as she knocked on the cops door. She said it like Lonnie didn't stay by herself half the days of the week already. 

“Mom-” But then Shane was opening the door, shirt unbuttoned like he'd just been getting ready. 

“Hey, there!” Her mother chirped, giving Shane her brightest smile. As she did she tossed her curls over her shoulder, showing off her boobs. Lonnie recognized the move as one her mother did when she wanted someone to look at her boobs and not her face. Shane's eyes didn't even drop a little. 

“Mrs. Brant.” He replied with a look Lonnie knew meant he was annoyed but trying to hide it. They'd had several conversations in the stairwell, enough for her to begin to read his expressions. But then he looked down at her and smiled. “Hey, Lonnie.” Which made her feel warm all the way to her toes. 

“Sorry to bother ya.” Loretta chimed in, making Shane's smile dim and Lonnie frowned. She hated it when Shane frowned. “I was wonderin' if ya'll had time to watch Lonnie for me this evening?” She asked cheerfully, like this man wasn't a complete stranger. Well, he wasn't a stranger to Lonnie but her mom didn't know that. 

“I was actually going somewhere tonight.” He answered after a moment, looking down at Lonnie with pinched eyebrows. Lonnie ducked her head, wanting to run and hide. She'd told her mom he was busy. 

“Oh, well, I guess Lonnie is old enough to stay by herself for a few hours.” Her mom turned to her, tisking to herself. Lonnie knew it was going to be more than a few hours. “Guess a mama's just gotta get used to her baby growin' up.” She said with a shrug. 

Lonnie let her mother tow her around, back towards their apartment, grimacing at the tight clammy grip her mom had on her hand. Like she was gonna lose Lonnie right there in the hallway. She threw a glance over her shoulder, looking at Shane, wanting to say goodbye. But when she got a look at his face she kept quiet. He was glaring darkly at her mom's back, hands on his hips, looking furious. 

Lonnie cringed, knowing he'd be mad. Nobody liked to be bothered when they were getting ready, least of all with her. She shoulda just ignored her mom and made her leave her there in the apartment. Now Shane was mad at her. She didn't want him to be mad at her. She liked talking to him. She liked that he always smiled at her when he saw her on the stairs, no matter how tired he looked. He'd even brought her a sucker the one time. He seemed like a cool guy and she didn't want him mad at her. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Shane called as Loretta was about to shut their apartment door. Lonnie whipped her head around, seeing Shane, holding a hand out and motioning her closer. “I'm just goin' to a BBQ, might as well just take her with me. It's for my friends 8 year old, I'm sure she'll have fun.” He said, giving her a little smile and Lonnie felt herself relax. He wasn't mad at her after all!

“Oh, that's just great!” Loretta smiled widely, and Lonnie thought her mom might have been pretty if the expression on her face wasn't so dumb. “I'll pack her a bag and she'll be right over.” 

“Great, I gotta leave in thirty minutes.” He told them, running a hand through his hair before giving them a nod and retreating into his apartment. 

Her moms face immediately changed, the look on her face seeming to just slide away until only a blank one was left. Lonnie was more familiar with that face. Her mom had a hard time around other people, always acting cheerful and happy even when she wasn't. Lonnie thought it was maybe because her moms brain just didn't work right any more. Uncle Linney had said she'd done stuff that fried her brain. Lonnie wasn't sure what that something was but she figured he was probably right. He'd also said her mom was dumber than dirt.

“Go on now.” Her mom nudged her inside, strolling past her to go to the couch. Now her mom looked absent, like a house with none of the lights on. 

“Yeah.” Lonnie muttered, passing her mom to head towards her room. She was used to taking care of herself. Uncle Linney said her mom was broken, and Lonnie couldn't find it in herself to argue. 

Snatching up her black backpack, a few years old and worn, Lonnie threw in her book, her pjs, just in case, and a bottle of water. Her daddy always said to be prepared for anything. So just in case. Next she slipped into a nicer set of clothes. Her only pair of jeans without holes in the knees and a green and white striped shirt with three buttons at the front with a white undershirt. It was her only nice shirt with no stains on it. A present from her Grandma Lenora. Then she threw her hair up into a pony tail, since Uncle Linney said it looked less like a mop that way. 

All that done she hurried back out to the hall and exited the apartment before her mom even knew she was finished. Trying not to seem to eager she scampered across the hall and knocked on Shane's door. Despite herself her knocks gave away her excitement.  
When he opened the door he was smiling and Lonnie beamed back at him. She'd rather spend time with Shane than anybody she knew. 

Ooooo

Shane couldn't help but smile down at the adorable redhead, even as irritated as he was with the girls neglectful mother. He'd already talked to Lonnie several times on the stairs and every time he saw her he liked her a little more. She was a cute kid. Hell, probably smarter than he was. 

“I'm all ready, how 'bout we hit the road?” Shane asked as he tucked his wallet into his pocket and shut the door behind him. 

“Cool.” Lonnie trotted after him and Shane realized she was actually pretty tall for her age, even though she was skinny as a twig. “Never been to a BBQ before.” 

“Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll have fun.” Shane assured her, seeing the nervous expression on her face. He had no doubt she'd never been much of anywhere, not with a mother like hers. In the dozen times he'd talked to the girl she came across as a little socially awkward, like she wasn't used to talking to people. Old for her age, he'd thought more than once, but with the uncertainty of a child with an unstable home life. “Buddies got a son, Carl, he's turning eight today.”

“He's 28 days younger than me.” She said immediately, as though she couldn't help herself, even as she ducked her head shyly. Shane thought maybe she couldn't help herself. He'd noticed she had an odd little thing with numbers, able to do math off the top of her head almost instantly. Math he wasn't even sure he could do on paper let alone in his head and that fast. And she was counting the stairs as they went down, mouthing the numbers more than saying them. 

“Happy birthday, kiddo.” He reached out and tugged on her bright pony tail, inwardly scowling when she flinched minutely before letting him tug on the tail. 

“Thank you. When's your birthday?” She asked as they exited the stair well and come out into the parking lot. She went to his jeep without him even telling her. Parked beside it was the shitty station wagon that Shane thought must be her mothers. 

“May 11th.” He opened the door for her and held out a hand for her backpack, which she hesitantly handed to him. “Gonna be turning gray this year.” He joked, ignoring her uncertain look as he lifted her up into the jeep and set her bag in the back. 

“How old are you?” She turned to watch him as he climbed into the drivers side. “You can't be older than 30.”

Shane laughed, giving her a glance as he started up and pulled out of the lot. “I'll be turning 30 this year.” 

“That's not old.” She told him, watching out the window curiously. “My mom is turning 46 this year and my Uncle Linny is turning 52.”

“Your mama don't look that old.” Shane commented with raised brows, because honestly the woman hadn't looked bad at all for 46. She'd looked worn and tired, but if he'd guessed her age he would have said 30-35. 

“Grandma Lenora said that it's in the Levitt genes, whatever that means.” She told him, nearly pressing her nose to glass as they went through downtown. 

“Lot of L names in your family.” He'd heard three already. 

“Grandma Lenora says it's tradition. I'm Lonnie, mama's Loretta, Uncle Linny, my cousin Leslie, who's my age, and two older cousins, Lewis and Lucy, then I got two more uncles, Lucas and Logan and an Aunt Layla who lives in California now. My great grandpa was named Liam and his ma was named Lacy. Got a couple great aunts in there too.” She finally looked over her shoulder at him and gave a shrug. 

Shane whistled low, giving the little girl a smile. “That's a lot of L names to remember.”

“Well, guess it's a good thing you only gotta remember mine then.” She grinned and he laughed, pleased with the girls humor. 

Ooooo0

“So whats with the girl?” Rick questioned him casually as the two of them stood by the grill. Rick was in the process of flipping the burgers and hot dogs but Shane had seen his frequent glances at the red head since they'd gotten here.

“Next door neighbors kid. Her mom was gonna leave her alone at home if I didn't watch her.” He crossed his arms, leaning back against the BBQ as he watched Lonnie. She was currently listening to Carl chatter in her ear, nodding every so often with a serious expression, like Carl was telling her the secrets of life. Carl had latched onto her since the moment he'd seen her and Shane was glad that she seemed to be getting along with him fine. “Figured you wouldn't mind.”

“What are you doing, Shane?” Rick asked him seriously, a little irritation leaking into the man's voice as he watched Shane intensely.

Shane's brows rose as he turned to look at his friend. “What the hell are you talkin' about?” 

“You tryin' to get at this kids mom? Or what?” Rick crossed his arms, mirroring Shane's posture. “That ain't right, using a little girl like that.”

“Fuck you, man.” Shane scowled, fury lighting up in his chest instantly at the implication. “You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.”

“Then tell me.” Rick demanded, squaring up with him. “You never get involved with kids, and this little girl already looks up to you, you can see it on her face. You can't let her get attached and then run off like you do with all your other flings.”

“Man, this ain't no fling. Her mama's like sixteen years older than I am.” Besides that he was gay, but he'd never told Rick that. Angry at Rick's insinuation, Shane could only shake his head as he tried to explain. “The kids just a good kid, okay? Smarter than hell but her mama don't give a shit about her.”

Rick just looked at him for a long time, blue eyes clear and piercing. “You can't let that little girl get attached and then abandon her 'cause you lost interest.”

Shane grimaced, pinching the bridge of his nose to hold back his anger at his close friend. “Rick, that girl ain't got nobody to take care of her. Half the time when I get off work she's there on the stairs, waiting for her mama to get done with her latest fuck buddy.” He finally opened his eyes again, meeting Rick's eyes. “I'm gonna be there if that little girl needs me, no matter what you say, man. She's a good kid and she don't deserve me just walking past her like she's nothing.”

His best friend squinted at him for a long time before he nodded and shelved the topic. “She seems like a smart kid.” He told Shane neutrally.

“Hell, man, kids better at math than any other person I ever seen.” Shane smirked, turning his eyes back to Lonnie, who was sitting with Carl patiently while the little boy showed her his latest comic book. He ignored the hurt that sizzled in his chest over Rick's assumptions, burying it deep like he always did. “I seen her take some numbers and do all this shit in her head and come up with the answer in seconds. Kid's probably a genius.” 

Shane was unaware of the unconscious pride coloring his eyes, but Rick saw it clear as day and he finally cracked a smile, watching his best friend moon over the girl doing this or that. 

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The night Rick came back from the dead, Shane felt as though a huge weight was being lifted from his chest. Rick would take care of it now. People would look to Rick now for answers. But he also felt a sort of deadening dread too. Rick would find out about Lori. Of course he would. Rick saw those sorts of things. Sitting around the camp fire with the group, Lori and Carl curled close to Rick, Shane hoped it wouldn't be soon. But at the same time, he felt like he should say it. Should be the one to tell his best friend. But how did you tell your best friend something like that?

As Rick finished telling his story, Shane couldn't help but smile though, even through his dread. Rick was here and Rick would help him fix things. He always helped fix things. 

Then Rick went and opened his mouth and Shane felt his heart clench tight. “Where's Lonnie? She sleeping already?” And the group turned to look at him, most with curious eyes, because they hadn't ever heard the name before. Not in all the stories told around the fire had any of them heard Shane mention that name. Not even Lori had asked after the girl. Only Carl.

Shane looked down, twisting his hands tight around the bill of his hat. Around his wrist his bracelets seemed to burn his skin. His voice was choked and rough when he answered. “Nah, man, was too late.” He said and that was all Rick needed to know. He didn't need to know that Shane dreamed about her body, ripped apart in the apartment. Dreamed about the way she must have died in agony as her mother or maybe her uncle bit into her. 

“Shit, Shane, I'm sorry, brother.” Rick grimaced, pulling Carl closer, who looked a little teary eyed at the mention of his best friend. 

“Was Lonnie your wife?” Amy asked curiously, her head tilted and the expression on her face gentle. Still Shane hated it and he could only shake his head. 

It was Rick who answered for him. “His daughter, she was his daughter.” He said firmly, like there was no argument, and even though she hadn't been Shane's blood, she'd been his real daughter through and through for the past five years and Rick knew that. Shane had been there for her more than either of her parents ever had, hell she'd practically been living in his apartment by the end. 

“I bet she was a great kid.” Andrea said into the sudden quiet. Everyone was exchanging wide shocked glances, finding it hard to believe Shane had had a child. He hadn't mentioned her at all. 

Shane wiped at his face, even though there weren't any tears. His eyes were burning with them but he refused to let them fall here, instead he kept his gaze on his hat. “She was the best.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, trying again. “Had the reddest hair you'd ever seen, and she was smart as a whip, that girl was. Could do numbers in her head in seconds. She'd ah been turnin' thirteen here soon.” He didn't offer to take out the photo in his wallet. They didn't need that and it was his to keep close. 

That being said, he couldn't stand their eyes on him any more. Grief was clawing up his throat like some kinda beast, ready to be let out and howl. But he wouldn't do it, not here, in front of these people that hadn't know his girl. Standing abruptly he turned and left, hearing Rick call after him but pretending he didn't. 

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Lonnie, 12 Years Old

“Shane! Shane! Shane!” 

Shane groaned, tucking his face closer against his pillow, trying to block out Lonnie's insistent shouts. But she was hard to ignore, jumping up and down like she was, making his whole bed wobble like it was about to fall down. Smirking into his pillow, Shane waited for the perfect moment. 

“Shane! Wake up! It's your birthday!” She timed each word with a hard bounce across his mattress, voice cheerful despite the early hour. Light was only barely beginning to come through his windows.

“So I should be able to sleep in.” He mumbled into his pillow, hiding his laughter. Instead he tried to sound sleepy and grumpy.

“Come on! I have a surprise for you!” She leaned down to shake his shoulder and he finally made his move. 

Erupting off the bed, Shane caught the slender girl up in his arms, ignoring the way she was shrieking with laughter as he rolled her up like a burrito in his sheets. She struggled weakly as he flung her over his shoulder but she was laughing to hard to really put up much of a fight. 

“I think somebody needs a shower.” Shane said teasingly, beginning to whistle cheerfully as he made his way into the bathroom. 

“No!” She howled, tears of laughter running down her temples. She began to wiggle in earnest as he opened the bathroom door. “Shane! Come on! No!” 

“I don't know, as the birthday boy, I think it's my right to punish you.” Shane said with a grin, digging one of his fingers into her side, right where he knew she was the most ticklish. His grin widened when she began wiggling frantically, her bubbly laugh spilling out. 

“Please, no!” She shouted as he turned the shower on full blast. One of her arms were almost free and she began bucking to get it the rest of the way out but Shane clamped his arm gently around her, holding her prisoner as he lowered her towards the shower spray. “No, no! Not the shower!”

“Are you going to surrender?” He asked, raising his brows at her with a playful wiggle. 

“Never!” She yelled through her laughter, trying to kick her legs through the sheets like a frog. 

“Oh, well, I guess you're gonna have to get wet then.” He began to lower her again and for a minute he thought she wasn't gonna break. But then the ends of her hairs got wet.

“Okay, I surrender!” She screamed with a grin as her hair began to get weighted down with water. 

“And?” Shane persisted, holding her steady over the water. 

“And I won't wake you up before 8am!” She said immediately, rolling her eyes. 

“Good.” He swung her down onto her feet, making sure she was stable before he turned the shower back off. He watched with a grin as she tried to struggle out of the sheet before giving her a hand pulling it away. “Now, what's this surprise?”

“Oh, yeah, come on!” She snatched up his hand, yanking him behind her as she headed towards the kitchen. Shane let her pull him, shaking his head at her excitement. She'd really come a long way in the years since he'd met her. She'd lost a lot of her shyness, at least around him. She'd turned into Carl's best friend. She was doing great in school. That uncertain awkwardness seemed to have disappeared too. 

“Close your eyes!” She demanded, giving him a look. She'd also gotten pretty damn bossy, he thought in amusement, even as he obeyed. Shane felt her tug him a little farther, into the kitchen door way, then she disappeared from his side. Waiting patiently Shane listened as she scampered across the room and then back again. 

“Ready yet?” He asked after a long pause of silence, raising his brows at nothing, trying to keep his grin down. 

“Okay, you can open you're eyes now.” She said, her voice a little hesitant all of a sudden.

Opening his eyes, Shane blinked, giving it a minute for the image to sink in. Then he smiled, feeling his heart rise up in his chest. Right there in the middle of the kitchen counter was the ugliest birthday cake he'd ever seen. A lopsided little square, maybe chocolate, with sickly looking green frosting spread across the whole thing. There were thirty five lit little candles dotting the top in the shape of the number thirty five. Drawn in icing along the front were two little stick figures, one with a mop of red on his head and the other almost twice it's height with little black squiggles for hair. Sat beside the cake was a little package, neatly wrapped in newspaper, with a bow stuck on top, also made from newspaper. Stood neck to the table was Lonnie, biting her lip and shifting from foot to foot as she looked from Shane to the cake. Really, it was the best damn thing he'd ever gotten for any of his birthdays, just this image right here.

“I know it's kinda ugly, you know I can't draw worth anything, but I baked it myself.” Lonnie told him when he didn't say anything for a long moment. 

Stepping forward, Shane swept her up into a bear hug, squeezing her up tightly. “It's the best damn cake I've ever seen, don't know what you're goin' on about.” 

Lonnie laughed, looking pleased with herself. “Well, you gotta blow the candles out now.” 

“First I think we need a picture.” Shane said lightly, wanting to always remember this ugly little cake and this very moment. He plucked up his phone from the side bar and pulled Lonnie close, making sure he got the cake in the background.

“Okay, okay, you got your picture, not blow out the candles!” She insisted, pushing his face away with a laugh and tugging his towards the table. “And make sure you make a wish, okay?”

“Fine, fine, I'll make sure I make a wish.” He teased, pulling in a breath and then blowing it all out, trying to catch all the candles in one go. “See that? Talent.” He said when he managed to get them all.

“Yeah, yeah, when you're sixty and you can still blow out all the candles, that'll be talent.” Lonnie told him with an eye roll before she snatched up his present and held it out. That hesitant look was back on her face.

“You didn't have to get me nothing, you know that.” He told her gruffly, pulling her in for a one armed hug. 

“I know that.” She rolled her eyes again. “I made you something, so....I hope you like it.”

“You know I'm gonna like anything you get me, no matter what.” Shane muttered, even as he began to pull carefully at the wrapping paper. It was so meticulously wrapped that he felt like he shouldn't just rip into it.

Inside the paper was a small flat box, the size of his palm and about two inches thick. Prying up the lid, Shane plucked up the two bracelets nestled inside. Examining the first he smiled, taking in their names, painted in neat calligraphy. He knew the leaves under the names must have taken her a long time to get right. She was definitely not lying when she said she couldn't draw. Feeling a little choked up he moved on to the next and when he read the script his fingers clenched tightly around the leather, feeling tears beginning to burn behind his eyes. The Love Between A Father & Daughter Is Forever.

Looking up, Shane met Lonnie's gray eyes, feeling his chest tighten. She was looking back at him, little hands clenched in her shirt, hesitation in every line of her body. It only took him a moment to gather the girl up in his arms again and hold her tight, close to his heart, where she was gonna stay for the rest of his life. Clutching at his girl, his daughter in spirit, the best thing in his life, Shane decided that this was definitely the best birthday he'd ever had. 

 

A/N: So, hope you guys liked the beginning. This was kinda a prologue. Obviously this is going to be slightly AU. Not only am I making Shane gay, which would change a ton of the story line, but I added some different life experiences too. So this Shane is gonna be different than the one in the movie, just by virtue of having experienced different things. Not to mention he's still a little shell shocked by the whole thing. Oh, and eventually this will be a Shane/Daryl story, don't see those too often but the idea intrigues me. So....yeah


	2. Coming And Going

Chapter Two: Coming and Going

Shane is drunk again, nearly as drunk as he'd been at the quarry, when Daryl finds him. He's slumped in the very corner of the recreation room, bottle of high end whiskey sitting between his legs, and the lights turned down real low. The man had disappeared not long into the drinking, Lori not long after, and when Lori had come back but not Shane, well, he'd gotten curious. From what he'd gotten Shane was not the brunette's biggest fan, so he knew the woman probably meant to corner Shane. There are red bleeding scratches on his neck that prove Daryl right. 

“Gonna share any ah that?” Daryl muttered, sliding down the wall beside the ex-cop, pointing at the whiskey. “Ya gone and made off wit' all the good shit.” Which was a lie, but one he figured Shane wouldn't question. 

“Sure, man, take it, I ain't drinking no more of it.” Shane grimaced as he handed the half full bottle over and Daryl noted his shaking fingers. Nerves or pure drunkenness, he's not sure.

“Saw Olive Oyl make after ya.” He mumbled, biting into the edge of his thumb for a second before taking a gulp of the whiskey. If he was gonna be talking about his shit, he wanted to keep his buzz. 

“Shit, man. I don't know what to do about that fucking problem.” Shane shrugged, tilting his neck back against the wall. The way they were sitting made Daryl realize that Shane was actually a few inches shorter than he was, which surprised him. The cop carried himself all squared, shoulders back, made him look bigger than he was. The cop had broader shoulders no doubt, but Daryl was taller, with bigger biceps.

“What'd the bitch want?” Daryl gave the cop a side eye, watching the way Shane's face pinched at his brows in stress. Man had had a rough few months, Daryl reckoned. Especially with the she bitch riding his ass. 

“She don't want me to tell Rick.” Shane shook his head with a miserable snort. Daryl figured the guy probably wouldn't be so open talking about this shit except he was wasted out of his head. He should probably leave the cop well enough alone, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. “Says she'll tell him I came onta her, make it sound like I tol' her that if she didn' put out she could get out type ah thing. Like she had ta say yes, cuz she was afraid fer Carl.”

“Fucked up.” Daryl muttered, because honestly it was. From what he'd over heard Lori had taken advantage of Shane and now she wanted to blame him for all of it. None of his business really, except his sudden interest in Shane. 

“Yer tellin' me, man.” Shane's voice was getting more slurred, his accent more prominent. “Like she didn't wait till I was pissed drunk and drop herself on my dick. I was so drunk I couldn't of found my own damn dick let alone her pussy.” Shane shook his head, slumping a little further into the wall. “And I'm fucking gayer than fucking.....I don't know fairy dust, unicorns, whatever, ain't never even been with a woman before that fucked up mistake.” 

“Fer real?” Daryl squinted at the other man skeptically. He'd heard Lori telling Andrea and Amy that Shane was a real ladies man before all this shit happened.   
.  
“Never told nobody.” Shane hiccuped in a breath, closed his eyes and thunking his head back against the wall. “Not even Rick. Course I told 'em stories, I jus' never said it was a man instead of a woman. Wanted ta tell 'im, just, ya know, bein' a cop and bein' gay is hard. Force don't like ta share a locker with a faggot, ya know? Think I'm leerin' at them or some shit. Rick wouldn't have told nobody, but I jus', I wanted ta keep that part of me separate. Woulda told him eventually. Now it's gonna bite me in the fuckin' ass is what it's gonna do.” 

“He yer brother, ain't he?” Daryl asked quietly, scrunching his brows together. He knew what Merle woulda done if Daryl ever told him he thought Shane was pretty. That he'd had a filthy dream about him. He woulda beat Daryl black and blue until Daryl promised never to think about that shit ever again. “Supposed ta believe you.” Least he thought that was what brothers were supposed to do.

“That's his wife, man, he's been married ta her fer.....shit, I don't know, 18 years? High school sweet hearts and shit.” Shane rubbed his hands roughly over his hair, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Maybe Olive Oyl shoulda thought of that 'fore she jumped yer drunk ass. What'd she wait a week after we made camp?” Daryl swigged another gulp of whiskey, having no idea why he was sitting here with this man. Maybe it was because he was already half drunk. Maybe it was because he liked how dark Shane's eyes were. Maybe he just felt like it, fucked if he knew. 

“Two days. We were at camp fer two days.” Shane cringed, obviously thinking back on the encounter. “Gotta say, don't like women any more than I did before, actually I think I'm gayer than I was before.” He joked darkly, rolling his shoulders. “Should go ta sleep before I get even more depressing.”

“Nah, shit happens, man, nothing you can do 'bout it. Wasn't yer fault ta begin with.” Daryl told him, shaking his head at himself. Still not sure why he was here talking to Shane but not wanting to leave either. 

“I miss my little girl.” Shane suddenly shifted topic, nearly making Daryl's head spin. Little girl? He hadn't heard nothing about no little girl. “ She woulda cheered me up, woulda insisted.” He sniffed wetly and Daryl realized with a kind of horrified fascination that the other man was crying. He'd never seen the other man cry in the whole two months they'd been at the quarry, no matter how tough it got.

“Thought you was gay? Daryl muttered, watching Shane huff from the corner of his eyes. He didn't want to look directly at the tears pouring down the man's face. 

“She wasn't blood but she might as well have been. Loved her more than anything, woulda done anything fer that little girl. You know it's her thirteenth birthday in a little while?” Shane thunked his head back against the wall again and then roughly wiped at his face, scrubbing at the tears. 

“I think we done had our girl talk limit, man. Think you should hit the hay, sleep off some ah this drink.” Daryl said, a little uncomfortable. It was clear Shane was still grieving for the girl, no matter how stoic he acted anytime else. 

“Yeah, think yer right.” Shane muttered, pulling himself up slowly, using the wall for support. He wavered, then laughed when he almost went toppling over.

“Christ, man, how much you drink?” Daryl snorted, having caught the man by the elbow to keep him from nose diving. “Can't even hold yer damn alcohol.” 

“Guess that's a damn fact nowadays.” The cop said darkly with a grimace, thinking back on another night he hadn't held his liquor either. 

“Come on, you can crash on the couch in my room.” Daryl offered gruffly, pulling the shorter mans arm over his shoulders. He felt pleasantly warm from the whiskey and he decided he liked the idea of Shane sleeping where he could hear him. “Yer gonna choke on yer own fucking puke if yer not careful.”

“Thanks, man. Really, 'preciate it.” He muttered, his head coming to rest on Daryl's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the spinning. Man had to be plum fucking wasted. Daryl could smell the whiskey on him, that on something spicy that must have just been Shane.

“Nah, don't mention it.” Daryl said seriously. He didn't want no awkward thanks or nothing like that in the morning. As it was the guy was definitely gonna be feeling all that whiskey in the morning. 

“Ya got pretty eyes.” Shane slurred against his shoulder, eyes closed and slumped against him as Daryl dragged him towards the door. 

Head whipping around, Daryl squinted at the drunk cop, his ears already turning pink. “Now I know you done drank to much.” He mumbled, not sure why he'd liked Shane saying that so much. 

“Don't have ta be drunk ta notice.” Shane pointed out, more reasonably than Daryl would have given his drunk mind.

Daryl opened his mouth to reply but closed it again when he saw exactly who was hovering outside the door. Meeting Rick's eyes, Daryl studied the almost sick expression on the man's face. Obviously he'd been listening in for a minute, maybe even from the beginning. The cop was slumped against the wall, blue eyes dark, one hand clenched on the back of his neck, like he was keeping himself steady. His eyes were tormented as they rested on his best friend. Glancing at Shane, who still had his eyes closed and was slowly giving Daryl more of his weight, Daryl decided not to say anything. Guy'd had a shit night already, didn't need to add this too. Instead Daryl gave Rick a nod and firmly steered Shane around him without the man ever even realizing there was another person there. 

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Lonnie ducked behind the counter, feeling her heart thud painfully in her chest. There were five of those things passing the window of the little gas station she was holed up in. She knew she might be able to knock three of them down and get away but five was definitely not an option. Keeping her breathing quiet, Lonnie scuttled further into the shadows behind the counter, taking her backpack with her. If she needed to run out the back she had to keep her pack with her and ready to grab. 

As she waited Lonnie tried to keep her eyes from tearing, feeling her throat get tight. Blinking back the tears she pressed herself against the shelves tightly, feeling them dig into her back. She hated this the worst, being stuck and unable to move. She felt trapped and her skin was crawling, just listening to those things outside. Being stuck also gave her time to think, which she might hate more then anything these days. Moving always gave her something to do, things to watch, precautions to take. But being still like this and waiting, she didn't have anything but thinking. 

She'd been alone a while now, nearly two months, pretty much since this whole thing had started. After what she'd seen some of the other survivors do, she guessed she was lucky to be alone. But she didn't feel like she was lucky. Not without Shane.

Pressing her hand to her mouth, Lonnie pressed her back closer to the shelves. She'd looked for him, when this all started. But he hadn't been at the station when she'd finally made it there. It'd taken her longer than she thought to get through town though, what with everybody panicking. But he hadn't been there, so she'd reluctantly gone back home to wait for him there. It wasn't until she got there that she realized her mistake. As she'd topped the stair well she'd immediately seen the broken down door and she'd known right away. Known that he'd tried to find her but she hadn't been there. Instead he'd found that mess, with her cousin Leslie on the floor and her mother and Uncle Linney turned into those things. 

She hadn't known what to do after that. She'd just kinda stopped there in the hall and her brain just hurt. Without Shane she just......didn't know where to go. Her mom and Uncle Linney were dead.....or infected or whatever this was. Her real dad lived a few hours away, and he might not even be home besides. Or he might be gone already too. She didn't have nobody else. Not close enough for her to get too. So what did she do?

What would Shane have done? Was what she'd thought to herself. He'd been at the hospital with Rick to begin with today. Shane would have come here first to get her. Then....he would have tried to get Carl and Lori out. She had to get there before they left without her!

As she'd gone to turn, to bolt down the stairs as fast as she could, a low drawn out noise had snatched her attention. She'd looked and then wished she hadn't. There was her mom, stumbled out of their apartment, ragged, skin gray, clothes covered in blood, with Uncle Linney just a step behind. She'd stared, horrified, and then she'd heard what must have been Leslie too, a scraping dragging noise from within the apartment. She'd seen them of course, before she'd left the first time, but seeing them again wasn't any easier. Choking on a sob, she'd scrambled down the stairs, leaving her blood family behind to follow Shane. 

Only she'd gotten to Carl's and it's been already too late. They'd been gone, photos and albums snatched up behind them. She'd remembered sinking to her knees in the middle of their living room, struck dumb, and she hadn't gotten up for almost a whole day. She thought maybe it could have been shock or something, but she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she'd snapped out of it eventually and then she'd tried to think of where Shane would go. 

There were two options she could think of off the top of her head. The first choice was Atlanta, only because she'd heard on the radio that there was some kind of refugee camp there. Shane might have gone there, thinking of Lori and Carl. Or he could have thought of Fort Benning. It was the closest military base and it should be safe, and Shane would know that. But Atlanta was the closest.

She'd spent the rest of the day scrounging around, looking for the things she needed. She couldn't drive so she'd had to walk, but she'd never been to Atlanta so she had to have a map. She'd ended up with a good sized duffle bag of odds and ends, anything she found that she thought might be useful. She'd slung it over her back and began walking, determined to find Shane before he moved on. 

Of course even the best made plans got screwed up. Now nearly two months into her trip, she'd made it to Atlanta, barely. Only to find it a ghost town, or she guessed an undead town would be more appropriate. Shane wasn't here, might not have ever come here. Which meant she had to get to Fort Benning. 

Taking a deep breath, fighting back her tears at last, Lonnie listened carefully. After a minute of hearing nothing she peeked cautiously over the counter. The windows of the gas station were clear, but she knew that really didn't mean much. For whatever reason those things sometimes went still and didn't move until they heard something. Those ones were the ones that were hard to spot, the most dangerous. And here in the city she had to be extra careful because attracting even a little bit of attention was bad.

Later that day, camped out on the roof of a small fish and game store, just on the outskirts of Atlanta, Lonnie nearly jumped clean out of her skin when an explosion ripped through the air. Eyes flying up, scanning the horizon, she spotted it, not far but not close either. Which meant that explosion was huge. Big plumes of smoke were curling up into the sky, attracting all the wrong kinds of attention. Down below, in the alley, some of the biters began to get excited, near breaking into a run. Shielding her eyes, Lonnie squinted at the fire, hoping those people knew to get out quick. 

With a shake of her head, Lonnie went back to scanning her map, the same one she'd had since the start. She'd marked her route out with a thin black pen, meandering through a part of her map. Her route had been mostly indirect, as she'd circled around obstacles or back tracked for supplies. Now she bit her lip as she tried to decide the best route to Fort Benning. 

Really her choices were either a direct route or an indirect route. She'd found that back roads were often safer and with less obstacles and biters. But if she went that route, then she had less of a chance of finding Shane if he was traveling too. All through her trip she'd kept a close eye out for his jeep, but she hadn't seen it. As she thought about it Lonnie wasn't quite sure what to do. She'd walked to Atlanta but Fort Benning was farther. Could she really walk that distance? She was sure she could but how long would it take?

Huffing at herself, Lonnie tipped her head back again to peer at the billowing smoke in the distance. Maybe what she needed was a car. Or maybe a truck, with bigger tires so she could take it off road. She'd seen enough traffic snarls to know sometimes the road wasn't an option. Only she didn't really know how to drive. Oh, she'd sat it Shane lap and he'd let her steer his jeep around the parking lot, but he'd never let her control the gas and brakes. She'd have to find something with the keys still inside and that actually still started. That and she'd have to have some way of getting gas along the road. 

Wrinkling her nose, she supposed she should be glad her real dad was a no good asshole. She'd seen him siphon the gas from the next store neighbors generator before, which she thought was sorta the same as doing it from a car. So all she'd need was a long length of tubing and a few gas cans. She might as well find all of that stuff while she was here in the city, where she was more likely to find it. 

Nodding her head to herself, Lonnie pulled out her little spiral note book, that she kept to keep track of the days and where she'd been, she began to make herself a list of things she wanted before she left the city. She wasn't likely to be in a city as big as this one again in a long time and she needed to make sure she grabbed what she could. The little places farther out of the city were already getting looting by people, so this was the most likely place for her to stock up. Tongue between her teeth, she stayed up on the roof until the next morning, making sure she'd tried to think of everything she'd need just in case. If her real daddy had been good for one thing, it was that he taught her to be prepared for anything, no matter what. 

000000000000 00000000000 0000000000000 0000000000 0000000000 000000000 

Lonnie, 11 Years Old, Two Months Prior To Outbreak

Lonnie looked up from her book as Carl shifted in his seat for the fifth time in the last minute. The two of them were sitting out on the Grime's back porch, on the bench swing with the cushions Lonnie liked. They'd both been reading, Carl his newest comic book and Lonnie her copy of Sherlock Holmes. But ten minutes ago Carl had started almost wiggling in his seat. He had that look on his face that she knew meant he wanted to say something but he just wasn't sure how to get it out. So she waited patiently, hiding her smile by keeping her head down.

“Hey, Lonnie, we've been best friends a while, right?” Carl finally asked, nervously plucking at a loose thread on his jeans 

“Almost four years.” She confirmed with a nod, finally looking up at him and setting her book to the side. Carl always got her full attention, no matter what. She got carried away when she was reading so she tried not to do it with Carl, because he was her best friend and she liked listening to what he had to say. Usually it was funny, and it was never anything stupid. So she tried her best to always give him her full attention and listen. 

“Well, it's just.....well....” He nearly stuttered, his pale cheeks tinging pink. His eyes, which she always thought were such a pretty bright blue, flickered to her face before he looked away again. 

“Carl?” She set her hand over his, where it was still fiddling with his pants and waited until he looked at her again before she smiled. “You know you can tell me anything, that's what best friends are for, right?”

“Right!” Carl breathed out a huge breath of air, returning her smile as his fingers tangled with hers. He seemed to have regained some of his usual confidence. “Just, you know, I really like you, Lonnie.” He kept his eyes on her face, waiting for her reaction.

Scrunching her brows Lonnie cocked her head to the side. “Of course you like me, if ya didn't we wouldn't be friends.” She said, a little confused. 

Carl laughed, shaking his head at her. Lonnie was smart, smartest girl he'd ever met, but sometimes she just didn't understand things. But that was okay, that was why he was there. “No, Lonnie, I mean I like like you.” 

“Oooooh.” Lonnie's eyes widened in surprised. She'd never had a boy like like her. They all thought she was weird. Half her friends only hung out with her because she was attached to Carl. 

“Yeah. So I was wondering if maybe.....you know, you'd be my girlfriend? Scott asked Maddie if she'd be his girlfriend yesterday and I thought......that maybe we'd make a really good pair?” He smiled at her, his cheeks still tinged with a dusting of pink, making his freckles stand out. 

Lonnie smiled at him brightly, feeling like her heart was about to beat right out of her chest. She'd like liked Carl too, had for a while, but she never thought he'd want to be more than friends with her. And she'd never want to do anything that would destroy her friendship with Carl. Not ever. 

“I'd really like that.” Lonnie told him, giving him a sudden kiss on the cheek. She'd done it before, they were best friends after all but this time it made Carl flush even redder as he grinned back at her. Then her brain caught up with her and she frowned a little, biting her lip.

“What is it?” Carl asked nervously, concerned about the sudden frown on her face. Did she not like him? Had he asked her and ruined everything? Did she-? 

“Well, it's just that I'd really like to be your girlfriend but Shane says I'm not old enough to have a boyfriend yet.” She told him uncertainly. And she usually listened to what Shane told her. 

Carl nodded, feeling disappointed but not completely, since she'd said she wanted to. He also knew how important Shane was to her, so he didn't try to convince her otherwise. “How old did he say you had to be?” He asked instead.

Lonnie shrugged, looking out into the yard, narrowing her eyes as she thought it over. “I guess maybe thirteen? I'd be a teenager then so I guess that'll be old enough?” She looked back at him hesitantly. Carl was generally the one that knew the answers to those kinds of things. 

“That's in two years.” Carl nodded again, biting his lip in thought. “I can wait, we'll just be best friends until then.” His answer got a brilliant smile from the redhead. 

“What're you even supposed to do when you're dating?” She asked after a moment of silence, squinting a little. She'd never paid much attention to how married couples acted or what people that dated did. Her mother was never with the same guy more than once, sometimes twice, and that wasn't dating.

Carl leaned back in the swing, setting it swinging lightly with his bare toes as he thought the question over. “I guess I'd love you, and tell you you're the prettiest girl I know every day.” He was blushing a little but he continued anyway when she squeezed his hand. “I'd remember your birthdays and I'd get you candy on valentines day. I'd take care of you, you know, carry your books to class for you and make sure no body picked on you.” 

“That sounds really nice, Carl.” Lonnie told him, leaning into his side with a blush. 

“And then, when we get to high school, we'd go to all those dances together and everybody will be jealous 'cause we love each other so much.” He continued with a grin, tilting his head back as he thought up their future. “And when we get to college I'll make sure you eat, even though you'll wanna study all the time, and make sure you have fun. And if we go to different colleges I'd call you every day and we'd make sure we visited each other until we graduated.”

“Hmm.” Lonnie urged him on with a little sound, resting her head on his shoulder. The affection was common between the two of them, had been since they'd met, and neither even thought twice about it now. 

“And we'll both get great jobs, you doing something with numbers 'cause you love them so much, and I'll be a cop, just like dad and Shane.” He grinned at the thought, blowing a strand of her fiery hair away from his face. “Then we'll get married and we'll come home every day and I'll ask you how your day was and tell you I was the luckiest guy ever. Then we'll have two kids, a girl to look just like you and a boy that looks like me. “ Of course he only had the think back on his parents recent fighting to know life wasn't like that really, but he and Lonnie would make it work. So he tacked it on to his plan, just to say it. “And sometimes we'd fight 'cause we were being stupid, but we'd say I love you anyway and it'd get better. And we'd live to be really old and still happy.”

Lonnie turned to look up at him with a mischievous grin, the one he thought made her eyes look extra gray. “You didn't say anything about what I'd do for you?” She asked, raising her brows.

Carl shrugged. “I guess you'd just have to be you. I like you just like you.” He said carelessly, which was the truth. He liked almost everything about Lonnie. In his young mind he wouldn't have her any differently.

“Well, I don't think that's very fair.” Lonnie sniffed playfully. “I think it's my turn to tell you what I think.” 

Carl smiled, happy with the situation. Peter from next door had said last week that Lonnie was the prettiest girl in their class, which was true, and Carl was glad she was his best friend. “What do you think, then?" 

“I'd love you too, and make sure to tell you every day.” Her mother hadn't ever told her she loved her and she imagined it'd be nice to hear it every day. “I'd make sure I remembered your birthdays too and valentines day. I'd carry my own books, 'cause I'm not a sissy, but I'd let you walk me to class since I like to see you between classes. If anybody tried to mess with you I'd make sure I pranked them really bad too.” Which she did that already. Last week she'd dumped a Gardner snake down the back of Greg's pants because he'd called Carl a baby. “And we'd go to all those dances and dance our butts off and all the other girls will be jealous 'cause I'll be with the cutest boy there.” 

“Oh, come one!” Carl protested, face red but smiling. “I'm gonna be handsome, not cute.”

Lonnie rolled her eyes but corrected herself anyway. “Okay, they'll be jealous 'cause I'm with the most handsome boy there. And when we go to college I'll help you with your math and make sure you get good grades and if we're not in the same college I'll call every day because I'll miss you really bad. Then we'll get married and you'll be really happy being a cop and I'll do something with numbers 'cause I love them so much.” Here she shot him a smile. “I'll ask you about all the bad guys you arrested and you'll tell me all about it while we eat dinner together and then I'll tell you that I'm the luckiest girl alive, to have a husband like you. And then we'll have two kids, only the boy will look like me and I'll teach him math and the girl will look like you and you'll teach her how to roll around in the mud.”

“I don't always roll in the mud!” He denied, which was a lie. Lately he'd made every effort he could to get dirty, just to see the look on his moms face when she saw him. 

She ignored him and continued. “And we'd fight 'cause we're both stubborn but we'd forgive each other before we went to bed and say I love you no matter what. And then we'd get really old and still be happy with each other.” She finished with a nod.

“I think that sounds pretty cool.” Carl nodded too and the two of them sat for a while in silence, thinking it over. He knew grown ups were complicated and things were different when people grew up, but he found himself hoping that this plan, as imagined as it was, didn't change. He'd just have to make sure. “So does this mean that if I ask you to be my girlfriend on my thirteenth birthday that you'll say yes?” 

Lonnie laughed, swatting at him as she picked her book back up. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

000 

“Don't look at me, man, don't know where he gets that. I sure as hell wasn't ever that smooth.” Rick told Shane, eyes laughing. The two men were in the living room, the window cracked, and they'd heard every word of the conversation between the eleven year olds. 

“God dammit, gonna have ta beat the guys off with a stick once she gets older.” Shane muttered, taking a slug of his beer. Despite himself though his lips were curled up into a smirk. 

Carl and Lonnie had hit it off right away, ever since Carl laid eyes on the girl really. Hell, he'd ignored every other one of his friends to chatter her ear off the first time he'd seen her. And Lonnie wasn't much better. Usually she was socially awkward with anyone her own age but with Carl she'd latched right on and then it'd been history after that. And of course it hadn't been any surprise that Carl had a crush on her, he made it about as plain as day. 

“Carl's a good kid, don't figure I gotta worry about him. Not with her.” He finally shrugged, which was the truth. He thought the kid would probably run through fire rather than hurt her.


End file.
